The Loop

Choose one situation to look at.

Choose one recent occasion, rather than a whole problem or your entire history. You will use this same situation throughout the exercise.

Describe what was happening just before you responded. For example: “Yesterday, someone asked me to do another task when I was already busy.” A few words are enough; leave out names and identifying details.

Write a few words about one situation, or select the fictional example about rest below.

What did you notice,
and how did you respond?

Think back to that situation. Describe any thoughts, feelings or impulses you noticed, then what you actually said or did. This helps you separate what happened inside you from the action you took. You can leave anything blank.

For example: “I wanted to say no, but I said yes.” Describe the action without judging yourself. Waiting, resting, asking for help and setting a limit also count as responses.

What happened after you responded?

Look at what you hoped your response would help with, then what you actually noticed. A response can help in one way and cause difficulties in another. It may also be helpful overall. You do not have to find a problem.

Include anything helpful, difficult or unchanged. “I am not sure” is a useful answer too. Describe what you noticed; you do not need to prove what caused it.

What matters in this situation?

A value is a quality you want to bring to the way you act, such as honesty, kindness or care for yourself. In this situation, what would you like your actions to stand for? You can care about more than one thing.

Values Duel is a separate exercise for choosing qualities that matter to you. If you used it and saved your results in this browser at this website address, you can show those names here. This is optional.

Select any words above to add them to your answer, or write your own. For example, care might mean helping someone, resting, or setting a limit. You do not need to do more or ignore your own needs.

What would you like to do
next time?

Use what you noticed to choose what comes next. You might keep a helpful response, change one part of it, or pause and ask for support. Choose what fits your actual circumstances.

Describe something you can say or do, rather than a feeling or an outcome you cannot control. Resting, setting a limit, getting treatment and asking for support are valid choices. You can also decide not to act yet.

Practise your response,
then make a plan.

You can briefly practise the words or action you chose before trying them in daily life. Read each prompt and select Continue the practice when ready, or select Skip the practice. Then answer any planning questions that help.

You can still have difficult thoughts or feelings while trying your plan. You can make it smaller, change the situation, ask for help or stop. The aim is to learn what fits your life.

Your plan for the next situation.

This small plan is your experiment: something to try so you can learn what happens. It is not a test you pass or fail. Read it through and edit anything that does not feel manageable.

To keep your plan, switch on Save this reflection in this browser below, or print or copy it. Print and copy include all your answers, so keep them somewhere private. An email link does not save your answers.

What actually happened?

Look back at the plan you made. Describe what you tried, or what prevented you from trying it, and decide whether to keep or adjust it. There is no score or requirement to have completed anything.